Mosquitoes, Roaches and Flies, Oh My!

We are not allowed to put an AC unit in one of the bedroom windows, because we can't block the fire escape, so we keep the window open a crack to create a cool cross breeze in hopes that some air from the AC in the living room will also make it through. This has been the set up for a couple years now, and it has worked out well. Lately, however, I wake up in the middle of the night with an intense itch up and down my legs. Half awake and half asleep, I scratch and scratch until I no longer care and pass out with exhaustion. In the morning, I ask Este if he got any bug bites during the night and am amazed to find out that he is unscathed and that mine have disappeared completely. Not even a red spot to indicate that the itchy hell was real. I resolved myself to the fact that I was probably going insane.

The other night, I hear Este call from the kitchen: "Babe? Keesh is acting really weird. Hey, Keesh. What are you looking at? What is it?" This- followed by a high-pitched wheezing sound coming from the future man of the house. I run to the kitchen and find the cat frozen in place and staring at a spot on the wall. Este, a few feet back, with his face scrunched up in a painful expression and still wheezing with fright. On the wall in front of them was the biggest cockroach I have ever seen, rubbing its antennas together. I scream, the cat jumps up and bolts for the bedroom, and we take refuge on top of the couch.
"Este, you can't let this thing get away. You have to kill it, tonight," I tell him.
"But it's got wings!"
I'm very proud that Este did muster enough courage to squash the 2-pound cockroach, a.k.a. the creature from the Black Lagoon, a.k.a. Lucifer's offspring. But little did we know, our night was just beginning.

2:30AM: Este jumps out of bed. "Ahhhh! Mosquitoes are eating me alive!" It was like music to my ears. I was not the only one on the menu! We turn on the lights and take stock of the place. Sure enough, there are two mosquitoes flitting about. But we are groggy and the little black bodies are hard to follow. Este takes a few swats with a rolled up newspaper and declares the mission accomplished.

3:00AM: "#*$%@!!!!!!"
It was a full on war. Us against the bugs of Astoria. I try to think of a combat strategy. "Este, we need a 360 degree formation."
"Roger that."
Armed with a newspaper and a pillow, we stand back-to-back and start turning around in a circle, so we can both fight and keep look out at the same time. It was awesome. But unfortunately, no dead mosquitoes.

Now we have abandoned the offensive strategy and focus on defensive measures: long johns and mosquito repellent. Este's reasoning being that the mosquitoes will die if we can starve them to death, but it seems that the two-week human feast has left the bugs with enough nutrition to last them a long time. And the window that we use for fresh air and cool breezes? It is closed.
God, I can't wait to move!